Women compete with other women. We want to look better; Have more; Be smarter, richer, more desirable than the next woman.
It doesn't matter if the next woman happens to be your friend, com padre, co-worker, whatever. We compete as soon as we leave out the door.
My girlfriend wants to get a bigger home. Why? She has an extra bedroom for guests and more than enough room for her and family. Yep, its none of my business, but she discusses this with me.
I really don't want her to upgrade because I can't upgrade to a bigger home. And true enough, I have not told her how I feel and I won't.
It's my competitive nature, I can't help it. I say what everyone else is feeling but won't admit.
Men probably do the same thing and I would love to hear from some men on this subject. Do they compete?
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Are you familiar with the study that was done regarding the societal phenomenon of "competitive consumerism"? It's fascinating.
Zoologists studying chimpanzees found they had similar competitive traits; the instinct to compare & compete is a very strong one in the animal kingdom in general. Part of the problem is that a chimpanzee or a human is often satisfied with what they have at the start, but then compares what they have to another in their social group & then becomes dissatisfied again & feels the need to compete & get more in order to feel like they are higher on the food chain then their direct competitors.
On some levels, these feelings & attitudes are very instinctive & base (even though for most humans it goes beyond "survival of the fittest"), but of course many people -- whether or not they'll cop to it -- undeniably experience them.
While it's brave of you to admit that you feel this, I honestly think you'd be better off focusing on your own development, as comparing yourself to others will inevitably/ultimately make you very unhappy. The question then becomes how much is enough to feel like you're on top?!
The funny thing is I'm not saying this as a superior know-it-all, but rather as a person whom at one point, felt exactly like you did when it came to material goods & "keeping up with Jones." That's how I can talk about it so honestly & openly, & without any malice or judgment towards others.
Basically, I fell into this trap when I worked at as an executive at a large corporation. There was a lot of pressure to "look good" & compete materially & otherwise. I got caught up in it & ultimately made myself way too stressed out & miserable over it all. My values became skewed & all I could think about was how to get more, instead of being satisfied with what I had. I was a wreck & ultimately ended up bowing out of that job. I HATED the environment. It was so unhealthy for me mentally & I was relieved when I left. My values became entirely skewed, & if I were honest with myself, I know that I had fairly low self-esteem & was using the material stuff I bought & accumulated as a way to feel temporarily better about myself. But the funny thing is that that didn't fix the problem at all. It just made things worse. I felt like I was on a topsy-turvy, endless merry-go-round that I couldn't get off of & that was spinning dangerously out of control. I'm telling you this as a precautionary tale, because, when it comes down to it, I wouldn't wish anyone to go through that mental hell & self-imprisonment. There's no need for people to lock themselves into such a narrow, materialistic world like that. We need to run like hell before we wake up in a completely vapid & soul-less existence in an emotionally bankrupt wasteland, devoid of meaningful human connection & kindness, & a greater sense of community.
To answer your question: I think men certainly compete with each other, especially when it comes to the business area & "winning" a mate. The whole "alpha male" thing is based on preserving their prowess and warding off threats, whether real or imagined, to their dominance over their brood or social group. Most men are no different from elephant seals or lions when it comes to these instincts. The bullmaster & king lion are doing it from the perspective of biological imperative, but then again, men in some basic way are still no different in terms of their instincts, although their interactions might be more complex & their reasoning may be more highly developed.
What I don't like is those people who feel the need to shove what they have in my face, as a way of trying to make themselves feel like they're higher on the food chain. Sorry to say, but that behavior is just plain insecure & annoying.
Likewise, I also a problem with people who go out of their way to try to make others look bad as a way to deliberately "take them down a peg." It's usually done in an indirect, passive-aggressive manner & is quite insidious & damaging to others around them. Eventually the behavior will catch up to the snarky people who do this, as being a hater usually involves some level of self-hate, which is destructive & will eat up the insides of such an angry & unhappy person.
As for my own experience, I have many friends who happen to be good looking & successful, & while I'm honestly not very competitive about this kind of stuff -- I'm truly happy for their successes, I am quite competitive in sports & was very competitive in academics (throughout my youth & early adulthood).
Sorry, just another chick here. Yes, I am extremely competitive, but not in a traditional sense. I cannot stand catty women and I could care less about whose house is bigger than mine.
BUT, at the gym I am equal opportunity competitive. I want to be on the elliptical the longest, bar none.
I want to be in the sauna the longest, bar none.
And when the person next to me admits defeat on the elliptical I think in my head, "Loser."
I know, I'm a competitive jerk. At least I'm honest about it.
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